{"id":1881,"date":"2026-06-25T11:51:04","date_gmt":"2026-06-25T11:51:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/hopeforeveryhome.nl\/?p=1881"},"modified":"2026-06-28T21:59:54","modified_gmt":"2026-06-28T21:59:54","slug":"marja","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/everyhome.nl\/en\/marja\/","title":{"rendered":"Plant medicine, readings, family constellations but no peace and love\u2026until!"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Check out the podcast here: Marja in conversation with Suzanne about her search | Found Church<\/a><\/code><\/pre>\n\n\n\n
Marja van Duijn is a young mother who enjoys her family. She has had all kinds of spiritual experiences. Always searching for love, as she says. Searching for a long time, until\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Marja, what is your background?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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I grew up in a Christian family; we went to church regularly, and as a little girl, I thought that was fantastic. I enjoyed Sunday school and remember truly experiencing God's love as a child.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As I got older, I noticed that a heavier weight was weighing on my faith. For example, I became a young mother without being married, and I thought I was very sinful and had to try to make amends. When things got a little better, I thought: \u201cAh, I am loved after all; God is giving me a beautiful family and a loving husband.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then our youngest daughter was born, and she turned out to have a genetic abnormality. We ended up in a medical merry-go-round, and I developed postpartum depression. I thought that God was punishing me now after all because I had lived a 'sinful' life. I thought that I would never be able to make amends and that our relationship with God ended here.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
And did another door open?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Indeed, I had a friend who was very into spirituality, yoga, and the like. I thought: \u2018'Let me start doing that too, maybe I will find enlightenment in it.'\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
I met a yoga teacher who also practiced Reiki. I told her about my youngest, who often cried inconsolably, and the teacher offered to see if she could help. And sure enough: she gave my daughter a treatment and told me that she had a double ear infection, and that she had 'straightened out her nervous system.' My daughter did indeed become calmer, and the doctor confirmed that she had a double ear infection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
These events triggered my curiosity about self-healing. In the period that followed, I began training to become a Reiki Master, holistic therapist, and family constellation facilitator. I developed a conviction that it was necessary to go through negative things in order to help others, and this was indeed very often the case. However, increasingly often, I found myself in a very deep slump.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI noticed that I had to distance myself from everything.\u201d<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
At a certain point, I developed a strong feeling that I needed to distance myself from more and more people, that this was necessary for the path I had to walk. Without realizing it, I lost more and more people: friends, but also family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I distanced myself, even from my family. In my new environment, there was a lot of talk about 'your true self' outside of motherhood. I became increasingly important, even though initially I was only looking for peace and love. To discover myself, I started working harder and harder, and rebelling against the people around me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It got to the point where I thought I had to let go of everyone to discover my true self, the people I loved. I thought I had to divorce my husband, because I thought he was hindering my spiritual growth, and that I had to emigrate. Thank God I chose to go to Bali for just a few weeks, hoping to discover myself there. Just before I went to Bali, something happened that plunged me into a fierce struggle. During a training course, I had to connect with my higher self using a spiritual exercise. I found that very difficult. I struggled to surrender to it. I started sweating and trembling terribly. The teacher asked if I had ever seen angels or spirits in the past. I told her that I used to pray. She suggested trying it that way, simply at home in my own environment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I thought: \u201cOkay, then I\u2019ll put my hands together and get on my knees.\u201d The moment I did that, it was as if a golden tube was placed around me. My hands were grasped very tightly, and the only thing I heard was: \u201cWith Me, you are home. Here is your home.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At that moment, such peace and love washed over me\u2014finally, what I had been searching for all this time. I could only say, \u201cHuh, is this Jesus?\u201d I went back to that teacher with that story, and she said, \u2018Then this is your guide now. It can change again; sometimes it stays with you for a while.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was so confused, while I still had an hour to drive home. I thought: 'So how does it work with Mother Earth and Father Cosmos and Jesus and God, and do they overlap? Is Jesus just some prophet who temporarily helps you with a few life questions and then gets thrown overboard again?'\u2018<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What now for Jesus?  <\/h2>\n\n\n\n
I discussed it with my best friend as well: 'Suddenly I'm in contact with God and with Jesus, and I just don't know what to do with it. I'm actually so confused by it.' I needed to investigate who I was actually making contact with. And who am I actually making contact with when I set up an energetic field? Who am I making contact with when I give Reiki or when I cut energetic cords?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The essentially different thing was that when he took my hands, such peace came over me. He said: \u2018'Here you are home, this is your home, I am your home'\u2019<\/em> And in doing so, I experienced so much love. The big difference compared to all the plant medicines and family constellations, Reiki, and readings was that I was never satisfied. Now I was home. There was a general peace, and I knew: this is home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Alone on Bali<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Completely confused but with a certain feeling, I left for the other side of the world, hoping to find more answers there. I thought, "If I let go of everything and everyone, will I find my true self?"\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At one point, for example, I was lying at a sound healing session where a trance is induced guided by music. There was a guru there and all these girls who simply worshipped him. Everything in my body screamed to get out of there, but I stayed lying there and I just saw all these black shadows swarming through the room. It was very real and I just kept thinking: \u2018'Jesus, protect me.'\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
The difference between light and darkness actually grew wider and wider. When I spoke with the other women, at the core they all told the same story, the one I was telling myself as well. They felt they had to distance themselves from their current lives so that they could find 'themselves,' and all I could think was: 'I don't want to leave my family.' 'I don't want to leave my parents. I love them.'\u2018 <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then something special happened there. The chance of encountering a Christian on Bali of all places is extremely small. I wanted to do something fun since I was there anyway and had signed up for a tour. The evening before, at eleven o'clock, I received a call saying that the group activity was full and that I would be getting a private driver. I didn't trust that at all, but decided to go ahead with it anyway. The next day, I was picked up by this man, who smiled very kindly. While I had been in the car with this man for less than five minutes, he started talking about God and that he was one of the few Christians on Bali. He spoke with great love about his relationship with God. Still, I couldn't quite accept it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What happened after that?  <\/h2>\n\n\n\n
When I was back home, I could no longer do the things I was doing. I decided not to let go of my family, but of everything else I was involved in. My business closed, and I let go of some friendships, and I was determined to search for 'that' Jesus I had met. I then started listening to all kinds of podcasts by people who had also met Jesus. I had to know who that Jesus was. At a certain point, there was someone in one of those podcasts who said: 'If you are listening to this now and you want to accept Jesus, then I want to invite you to pray after me.' I remember kneeling in the living room, right here at home. Before my eyes, I saw Jesus standing on a rock, with his arms wide open. I was standing somewhere else. There was a great chasm between me and Jesus. When the man from the podcast suggested praying after him, I saw a bridge forming and that I could just walk across that bridge. When I prayed that prayer and gave my life to Jesus, I saw that I arrived at him and fell into his arms, and he said to me: 'Here you are home.'\u2018 <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then everything else fell away, and there was instant calm and instant peace. There was also instant love. I didn't have to work for it. I didn't have to do my best for it. I didn't have to search for it either. I only had to accept it. I think this is the big difference: Jesus is not just an energy; Jesus is a person, and this person loves you and wants a relationship with you. He went to the cross for you; he bore everything for you. You no longer have to work so hard to heal yourself; you only have to accept the gift that Jesus has given us all. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you want this too, if you are also ready to open your heart to Jesus, then I would like to suggest that you invite Him, because what He has done for me, He wants to do for you too.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n